Tourism
by mysoxlike2party
Summary: Maybe "terrorism" in America's case, minus the whole "I'm gonna blow you up" thing. America decides to leave his homeland for once and travel the world with his buddy, England. The problem? He's your typical American tourist.
1. Fishin The Old Chip In England

**Anime**: Axis Powers Hetalia**  
>Rating<strong>: T**  
>Warnings<strong>: Nothing to really warn about here...?**  
>Pairings<strong>: None, but I'm sure your warped minds can make it seem like there are.**  
>Disclaimer<strong>: Me no own the hetalia of the axis of the powers.**  
>Notes<strong>: I regret nothing.

* * *

><p>"I'm gonna travel the <em>world<em>!" Exclaimed America excitedly to his dear old friend, England.

"…why in the bloody hell are you calling me at 1 am to spout that nonsense?" shouted a cranky England over the phone.

Ignorant of a thing called "time zones", America stated, "You high? It's like, 8, and the sun's just beginning to set!"

"You twit. I'm in England."

"Good for you!"

"I'm hanging up now."

"W-WAIT!" pleaded America. He really wanted to share his plans with his good friend.

"Hurry up, I wanna go back to sleep."

"O-okay! So, I was reading this map, and I was having this epiphany sort of thing and stuff, right? I realized, I haven't really travelled and actually become enriched in other cultures and stuff, right? I mean, America's obviously the best and will forever stay like that, but I wanna you know, get to know other countries and stuff, right? So I thought…" England put his phone to the side of the bed and started filing his nails, knowing America was going to take a damn while. England would occasionally grunt a "hmm" and say "wow" or "yea", just to reassure his dimwitted friend he was paying attention. England then brought the phone to his ear once he heard America conclude his speech.

"So, yea! I wanna travel the world!" concluded America.

"That's nice. I'm going to bed now."

"W-WAIT! I'm not done!"

"Hurry it up!"

"I want _you_ to come with me!"

England was perplexed. He brought the phone to his other ear in confusion. "Why?"

"Cause you're like, my best friend and stuff!"

"_You_ consider _me_ your best friend? And _stuff_?" he repeated in amazement.

"Yea! You were there since I was a kid, and you've just always been there, y'know? You always seem to help me and put up with me when no one else does. I appreciate that."

England was touched. The guy may be damned moronic, but he couldn't help but feel loved when America said that. He was about to give a touching response revealing a mutual feeling when America added, "…and I know you're not doing anything and happen to own a private plane… with an automatic smoother maker… you know how much I like dem' smoothies… "

"You little shit!" said England, "You just want me to accompany you for my plane!"

"That's only half true! I also happen to have England as my first stop! So you may as well come with me!" explained America.

In the end, England agreed to accompany America in his travels.

* * *

><p>First Stop: London.<p>

"Oh my gawwwwwd, everyone has your accent. I wish I could stop and make fun of everyone, but there is no time! Onto the shops!" sang America, linking arms with England and heading into the busy districts. After an hour or so of intense London shopping, America got hungry and stopped into a fast food place.

"I hope they sell hamburgers here!" America exclaimed, walking into the joint.

"They don't. It's called "Fish and Chips". Hence they sell fish and chips." Explained England dully.

"Why in the world would I want to eat a fish and a bag of Doritos at the same time? That's disgusting!" replied America, before heading to the register.

"Yea, I'll have some fries to go with your #6." Ordered America, scanning the menu for the greasiest looking order he could find.

"…fries? American…" she then muttered. "Honey, we already include that in our #6." She then added sweetly.

"But it says chips! I'm not blind! That's why I have these!" responded America, adjusting his glasses. England, not bearing the scene any longer, got in front of America and said, "Just get the #6 for him, and make it extra deep fried for this guy." He intervened.

* * *

><p>"Well, this is nice! It's even extra greasy, just like home!" America said happily, enjoying his meal. England sighed. America said he wanted to travel to as many countries as he could in a month. He was stuck with America for 29 more days. He feared his sanity would be lost within the next couple of days.<p>

"By the way," said America with his mouth full of food, "We're leaving for Germany after tomorrow. Since you don't want me sleeping at your place, I've arranged a hotel room for us."

"A single room?" asked England.

"Yup! One bed, too! It'll be like a sleepover! I sleep over you and stuff on the bed! It'll be just like old times!"

"You moron… sleepover doesn't literally mean one sleeps over the other!" corrected England angrily.

"Well that's too bad, I already reserved the room! Enjoy my heavy unconscious body on top of yours for the night!" He happily bit into his breadcrumbed fish, spraying crumbs all over England's unamused face.

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><p><strong>[[I'm tired. Well, this story will likely have 5 or so more chapters, each detailing the visit of a different country with America and his buddy, England. Until then, good night, I'm going to sleep at 12 and waking myself up at 7 because I have to get used to it for school is starting soon t.t]]<strong>


	2. That's What She Said In Germany

**Anime**: Axis Powers Hetalia**  
>Rating<strong>: T**  
>Warnings<strong>: Cliché overused sex jokes.**  
>Pairings<strong>: None**  
>Disclaimer<strong>: Me no own the hetalia of the axis of the powers.**  
>Notes<strong>: I wanna go to Hamburg D8

* * *

><p><strong>Next stop: Hamburg<strong>, **Germany.**

"'Cuz it sounds like hamburger!" declared America, taking his first steps onto Hamburg, Germany off England's plane. "Hamburg! Now I bet they got hamburgers here! I'll sue for false advertising if they don't!" England followed America off the plane and unenthusiastically asked America what they would be doing here.

"I dunno! You think I have things planned and organized? Silly Brit! Just go with the flow!" And with that, they decided to walk around the busy streets of Hamburg and enjoy Europe further.

"Wow!" exclaimed America, looking around, "I can't understand a thing anyone's saying! But they all sound very serious and angry!" he further observed.

"You twit. And speaking of serious men, here comes Germany himself—coincidence, isn't it?" discerned England from across the street.

"By Golly it is!" said America. England raised a thick eyebrow.

'_By Golly'?_

As Germany was crossing the street, he noticed the duo and walked over to them.

"Surprised to see you two here." He admitted, hands in his cloak pockets. "That aside, welcome to _Deutschland_."

"Yea, so where are the hamburgers? I'm starving. All I ate last night were nasty fish and chips." Asked America. Germany smiled.

"Oh, there's hamburgers… in fact, Hamburg is said to be one of the origins of hamburgers." Informed Germany.

"No kidding? That's awesome!" exclaimed America.

"No, THIS is awesome!" shouted a slightly familiar yet at the same time not exactly ringing-a-bell voice. A grey haired man shot up from the bushes and landed next to the pair. "Silly American! What brings you to Northern Germany? What, ya don't like East Germany? Is East Germany not worth ya time?"

American tried to calm down the hyper Prussian. "N-No, it's not that. I'm just trying to visit as many countries as I can within the month. I'm trying to, how do they say it—emerge myself into different cultures."

"Then why don't you emerge yourself in some fine German food as part of your stay here? _Mi Deutschland_ _es tu_ _Deutschland!_"

"That sounds wonderbra!" said America, pumping a fist.

"…what?" croaked Prussia.

"Wonderbra! Wonderful? Right? In German?"

"You mean _wunderbar_."

"You got wonder-bars too? Sounds like an awesome bar!"

"Sure. Sure."

* * *

><p>America was intently observing the roasting of bratwurst on a vendor's grill at a popular plaza. "It's so big!"<p>

England smirked. "That's what she said." America was always the easiest to get a sex joke out of.

"I mean, look at how thick that is!"

"That's what she said." England repeated.

"I don't think that thing can fit inside me!"

"…That's also what she said."

"I doubt I'll be able to even stick it in my mouth!"

"…That's what—"

"So plump!"

"She—"

America purchased a bratwurst and began playfully waving it in his hand. "Yea! Wurst! Woo!"

"…said?"

"I like em' thick 'n' juicy!"

"It's not fun when you're doing it on purpose."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" yelled America, slapping England across the face with a hot juicy wurst, leaving a glob of grease on his cheek. England wiped the grease off with his sleeve, not angry because the American beat him at his own game, but because he just got slapped with what looks like a roasted ding-a-ling.

"You bloody—

"America, England!" called their German friend approaching them from a couple feet away, "How are you liking Hamburg so far?"

"So far, it's been great!" expressed America, still holding the wurst, "I'm really diggin' the food. Everything's so big here!"

Suppressing the urge to crack a "that's what she said" joke (aren't those popular today?), Germany laughed and said "I'm glad you're enjoying it." He noticed the large wurst in America's hand and further said, "Oh, do you like our _bratwurst_?"

"Yea, I'm keepin' this one as a souvenir!" responded America, "Biggest damn wiener I've ever seen."

England opened his mouth to reclaim himself as the "that's what she said" king when he was yet again interrupted and slapped by the roasted wiener, this time perhaps on purpose.

"Hey what's over there?" inquired America, suddenly pointing over yonder with the hand that was grasping the wurst, hilariously slapping England in the face yet again.

"I'll show you. Follow me." Instructed Germany. America turned around to face England and ended up whacking him in the face with the oversized wurst once more for good ole time's sake in the process.

"C'mon, let's follow Germany!" nagged America, "And wipe your face! It looks disgusting." England furiously wiped his face off again with his sleeve and followed that damned America and his German friend, not knowing if he could handle the rest of the month with this guy.

But who cares? **Next Stop: Moscow, Russia**.


End file.
